EXPERTS

The performance pressure in our society, which determines very much the atmosphere and the way parents and children think and act in school life, can often be perceivable as early as in everyday kindergarten life. Parents wish for their children that they should learn and be supported as much and as intensively as possible. Many of them react with panic, or are at least anxious and filled with worry when their child doesn't correspond to the norm or doesn't manage what other children already can do at the same age.

A boy about to be picked up by his mother refused to get dressed. While he was crying and struggling his mother remained calm and let him cry. That alone took about 15 minutes. I entered the cloak room and said something trivial to the boy sitting there completely drenched in tears.
Because of my action the strain suddenly resolved and the boy calmed down entirely within a second.
This kind of situation occurs time and again, and it is as surprising every time how a swift remark or a joke can distract children so that they are able to get out of a certain situation.
Kindergarten teacher, 37 years

One day I was contacted by a young architect who was looking for a daycare place for his then 10 month-old son (let's call the son Jonas). Up to that moment he'd always taken his son to the office with him or carried him to building sites in a back baby carrier when he had something to take care of on site.
The mum, a physician, wasn't able to take care of Jonas regularly because of her shift work at the hospital. The father had an intimate relationship with his son and the decision of “handing him over” was visibly difficult for him.
We reached an agreement because some “regularity” and the company of other children wouldn't be amiss. Jonas yelled a lot every time daddy brought him, and daddy struggled with himself when he had to “leave him there”, and that was exactly what the child felt. The father mostly stood in the doorway or the hall for a long time, and the farewell ceremony took forever because of that. Jonas calmed down with great difficulty, since daddy was still waiting in front of the closed door and listening to his son crying.
Children are known to have very sensitive “feelers”. The mood and state of a father who couldn't let go and who wasn't committed to his decision were transferred to the child and that was very exhausting for everyone concerned.
Sometimes Jonas was brought by his mum, in which case there was hardly any yelling and the child was in a good mood. She explained to me that she was fully committed to the decision of letting me take care of the child.

Day nanny, 55