EXPERTS

Children are very indiscreet. This is a story a mother told me. She says that her daughter is starting to be a "bigmouth." The other day they were in the elevator with a neighbor they don’t like or something like that. They were waiting to go up the three of them and the girl said "Mom, are we going up with this dumb?"

Antonella was 2 years old when entered the nursery school. In the preparatory interview, her mother, recently divorced, told to the teachers about some difficulties she was having at mealtimes, because Antonella was obstinately refusing food. She hoped the school could help them. The insertion of Antonella in the school went well, she was interested in the activities and available to learn and to relate with classmates and adults. At lunch time, nevertheless, she kept refusing food. Antonella was sitting sedately, waiting for her turn. When the food arrived she simply moved the dish away in the middle of the table. She was simply waiting the end of the lunch. I suggested to the educator to start asking her – everyday – why she doesn’t eat, even if of course she could never reply. One day, annoyed, Antonella replied: “I don’t eat because mum doesn’t want”. During the periodical staff meeting, I suggested to the teachers to meet the mother: we agreed on a list of questions and decided to keep a friendly tone of conversation, trying to be encouraging and communicative and not judging. Questions should focus on the description of the lunch and dinner at home, the preparation, the persons involved, the mood, the words used, etc. The questions had a strong effect on the mother: in fact while answering and telling to the teachers, she became aware of the mistakes made... Antonella’s mother described the situation with tears in her eyes: they were not used to eat together, because she was too busy to convince Antonella to eat… the child run away and the mother got anxious and angry and started saying things like: “it’s useless to lay the table, because you don’t eat…instead of preparing for you I would run away, I’m angry…”. Anger, frustration, disappointment: these feelings were accompanying their unfinished meals. By describing the situation, the mother was becoming aware of the mistakes made. Teachers explained that probably Antonella had formed a negative idea of the meal, due to the tensions and pain caused to the mother – and being a child unable to understand the complex situation- she was convinced that the mum didn’t want she eats. This was a simplified explanation, of course, but it could be accepted by the mother. In the next days the mother followed teachers suggestions and the situation rapidly changed at school and at home. Antonella started eating. She also started playing with food in the kitchen corner of the class: preparing and cooking food for the dolls. When playing with dolls – to convince her to eat – she said them they were “good” when they eat, similarly to what the teachers and the mother said to her. At the end of the school year the mother thanked a lot the teachers who supported her in a difficult moment of life and helped Antonella and her to experience the joy to eat together.